A Few Things my Mother Taught Me 

  • My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
  • My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
  • My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
  • My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
  • My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
  • My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
  • My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
  • My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
  • My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
  • My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
  • My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."